Compared to What?

“Compared to what?”

That was the punch line of some standing family joke when I was a kid. I don’t remember the setup, but today as I was riding up Old La Honda Road (for the fifth time) I became acutely aware of the continual commentary of comparisons coursing through my mind.

I’ve mentioned Old La Honda Road before. Its impact on Peninsula cyclists was well summarized in a blog by a Felix Wong:

Many cyclists on the SF Bay Area Peninsula seem to know their best time up Old La Honda Rd., as it provides some measure of one’s climbing aptitude (both relative to your previous self, and to others).

The official start of the hill climb is the stone bridge; the end is the stop sign at the top of the intersection of Old La Honda and Skyline Blvd.

The course record, according to various posts on USENET newsgroups, is a few ticks under 15 minutes (14:50 or so), and is either owned by Dr. Eric Heiden (the Olympic speed-skating champion who lived 2/3rds up Old La Honda), or a guy named Mike Murray.

The Western Wheelers even has a “rider category system” based on a rider’s times up Old La Honda. (This helps match cyclists with Western Wheeler rides of his or her appropriate level of difficulty). The system is as follows:

Category A: total novice
Category B: it takes the cyclist 40-60 minutes to go up Old La Honda
Category C: 30-40 minutes
Category D: 25-30 minutes
Category E: 20-25 minutes
Category F: under 20 minutes

I’m in category B, and that’s a great accomplishment for me. My five assaults on this monument to strength and endurance were as follows.

1. Made it about a third of the way up before feeling light headed
2. Stopped to catch my breath about 10 times. Managed to finish in about an hour and a half.
3. Stopped only 3 or 4 times. Completed in about an hour.
4. Made it to the top without stopping! 47 minutes.
5. Today 45 minutes!

Of course I was passed frequently by more accomplished cyclists. On my previous climb I actually managed to pass a person--an octogenarian with an outmoded bicycle.

As two guys passed me today I felt the need to share with them the fact that I too had passed someone once, and I mentioned the age. One of the riders replied. “Did he have one leg?”

So I spend a lot of time judging and comparing. If I manage to get beyond comparing myself to the younger, stronger people with whom I ride I am still plagued by comparing myself to me! I’m not just talking cycling here, of course. Every time I accomplish something it seems I set a new bar for myself, and subsequently feel the challenge, the pressure to surpass whatever it was I managed to eke out previously.

Why do I torture myself this way?

There is probably an answer in Eastern thought somewhere. Sounds like a topic Krishnamurti used to talk about. No doubt it is a very common human proclivity. Nonetheless, it would be nice, from time to time, to simply be, and accept, and grow (or no) without all the angst.