Needs and Wants

It was a typical morning in some respects, and not in others. Getting up in the middle of the night is quite ordinary, but generally it is unplanned. Getting up just ahead of my alarm at 3:30 a.m.--that's different. Today it was about getting out of the house by 4:15 for my 6:05 departure from SFO.

At 4:15 a.m. exactly I could feel the pressure building as Debbie searched for her keys and then ran back into the house for her glasses. Of course I took the wheel of the car at 4:18 a.m. to make up the “lost time”. I managed to pull up at the curb at the departure level of United Airlines at 4:38. What a hero.

I stood in the Premiere Executive line waiting to check my bags, all the while evaluating the length of the other lines, calculating how many attendants were staffing how many automated check-in kiosks, and evaluating whether the parties ahead of me were fully cognizant of available kiosks as other passengers completed their tasks. So much calculating going on. You could say this became moot when I at last logged on and learned that my flight departure would be delayed until 6:40 a.m.

“S#!%!” was my immediate one word response. I knew that I had a finite number of minutes (92 to be exact) in the Hartford area to land, pick up bags, hail a cab, take the half hour drive from Windsor Locks to Hartford, and make it on the last bus to Great Barrington where I planned to meet my cousin at his restaurant. A quick calc suggested that this was still doable. I kept moving forward.

The calculations and evaluations continued as I approached the all important spot in the security queue where my analysis would trigger a decision as to which line had more people and/or was moving faster. I guessed right and sailed through even with a few small containers of liquids that went undetected.

The vibration on my hip told me an email message was coming in on my Blackberry. United Airlines update. Departure moved back to 7:05. Suddenly I realized this was not necessarily a one hour delay of my overall air travel. I could very well arrive at O'Hare too late to make my connection to Hartford at O’Hare altogether.

It really isn’t about the long list of events that underwent my constant scrutiny this morning. Not about which concession stand was or was not open, or did or did not have bacon and sausage in all of its breakfast fare; or about Avis not having a Great Barrington office, or the Avis agent not knowing where the closest office would be to Great Barrington. It is not about grabbing a pre­made tuna sandwich before boarding, or ending up behind a whining baby, or being asked by the baby’s mother to change seats with her husband in row 13 so they could sit together (which actually worked out well, since it got me away from the baby). It is not about any one or the entire series of events.

It is about a single moment as I sat chewing on my dry sandwich watching but not listening to the in-flight movie. As a woman stood up blocking my view of the screen it suddenly hit me what a steady stream of judgments flows through my mind. This is not shocking news in itself. It was just felt at a deeper level than I’ve noticed before. It is ALL about: do I like it or do I not? Do I want it or do I not? Is it good or is it not? Is it making me happy or is it not?

With that as context I started to think about the differences between needs and wants. Soooooooooo much is about what I want. Generally my wants have something to do with pleasure seeking or pain avoidance. I want to leave on time so I can arrive on time so I can catch my bus and avoid being stranded in Hartford or having to pay hundreds for a rental car. I want Boudin to open to I can get the fresh turkey sandwich in stead of the dry tuna sandwich from Just Desserts. I want. I want. I want.

My mind moved to “the bike saga”. I need a healthy and strong body. If I do that it will hurt less going up hills, but I want to taste tacos and chips and salsa and ice cream with chocolate sauce. If I am healthy and strong I will have the endurance to pedal longer distances up steeper hills, but instead of working out I often want to take an afternoon nap and listen to Ralph Barbieri interview some jock who is in shape.

I am suddenly taken by a new concept. What if I made my myriad evaluations, judgments, and decisions based on needs rather than wants? I am such a slave to my wants. My center of want is like a tyrant running roughshod over my needs. What if I gave my needs even just a little more air time? Let’s try it.

I am now sitting in the exit row with three seats to myself having miraculously just made the connection at O’Hare to the Hartford flight heading for an early arrival! (The center of want seems to be a pessimist. Things tend to work out much better than the want bugger expects.) The flight attendant asks if I want a drink and some pretzels. When did I ever say no? Then again, that is all about want. Do I need a snack? No.

“No thank you, “ I reply.